#{♚ x v; tbd x}

[feilien]

@r4bidog said: “an exhausted drug king easily walks into matt's bedroom and plops on his bed while he's reading a book ; he lazily starts to toy with the end of matt's shirt as he stares up at the ceiling . his scar is getting better , and everyone calls him a boss , and he's killed way too many men to reach here . ❛ i feel like i'm gonna die . . . ❜ / hi i missed them idk .” {♚ x Meme I am too lazy to find right now || Accepting x}

 Gangjae just walking into Matt’s room—without knocking, mind you—wasn’t exactly unheard of, nor was him making himself at home on Matt’s bad as though he owned it. Which, if one wanted to be pedantic about it, he technically did. But even though it wasn’t unheard of and even though Matt should really be used to it by now, it still made his heart miss a beat every single time; and he never failed to remind himself just how much he hated himself for it. It was a stupid crush, a hopeless crush, and yet he seemed unable to shake it, regardless of many girls he saw disappear in and out of his friend’s room. And, of course, every time he thought he might stand a chance of getting over it, Gangjae felt the need to do something to draw him right back in.

 Without lifting his gaze from his book, Matt raised his eyebrows as he turned a page and let out a sigh. “Yeah? What’s killing you this time? The alcohol? The drugs? The countless girls? Or everything combined?” Okay, perhaps a little too obvious. Glancing at the other, Matt gave him a once over, then shrugged his shoulders. “You look perfectly fine to me. As fine as you'll ever be, anyway.”

[feilien]

 Yuki's quite visceral reaction to his words completely took Long Zhi by surprise. So much so, that he just sat there in silence as Yuki kept on going. He could understand where the other was coming from.. kind of. 

 "Hashikawa..." he sighed, brows knitting together. "This was always the way it was going to end, you do know that, right? With or without you. That's always been my path, and it always will be. That's all I'm here for—to take over one day. To become the person he wants me to be, so all he's worked so hard for doesn't go to waste. And if following that path means I get to protect someone I care about.. Well, even better."

 "Besides..." He smiled again, bumping Yuki's shoulder with his own. "I'm not going anywhere, am I? So you're not losing me. I will just be—" Not me. "—your leader. I'll be your leader. Officially. Which means I can boss you around and there's absolutely nothing you can do about it. So..." Reaching over, Long Zhi placed a finger underneath Yuki's chin, forcing him to lift his head. "Keep your chin up, yeah? You're not going to get rid of me, and you'll unfortunately have to continue putting up with my bullshit. Even after you get sick of me."

"No." He pulled back abruptly, his eyes flashing with a panic he couldn't hide. Yuki felt the loss of Matt's gentle touch, the soft kiss to his head that felt so warm and safe. But he couldn't let this happen. He couldn't let Xiao Dan shape Long Zhi into whatever he wanted, he couldn't bear to see his friend's eyes empty and cold.

Long Zhi's words still rang in his ears. I'm too much me. Weak and soft-hearted. That wasn't his voice -- that was the old man beating this rhetoric into his grandson until he believed it himself. And Yuki was angry -- but this cold fear was louder.

"I don't want that," he continued fiercely. "I don't want to lose you to him."

The words were out before he could stop them, but Yuki didn't take them back. He'd do everything he could to keep Long Zhi here, as himself, the man who protected and comforted him, whose aura had become so familiar that Yuki would dare to call it home.

His eyes dropped to the ground. Guilt, cold and heavy, dimmed the fire inside him a bit. Long Zhi wanted to do this for him, to protect him yet again. Yuki was undeserving. He closed his eyes for a moment before he met Long Zhi's gaze.

"I can take it," he repeated, his eyes pleading. "I will, just...don't do this, Long Zhi." Let me protect you for once. "There has to be another option."

[feilien]

@draconisa  said: “" i didn't know where else to go... "” {♚ x Meme I am too lazy to find right now || Accepting x}

 It was somewhat late, and Matt had only just taken a break from studying to cook himself something to eat, lest he waste away after not eating for a few hours. He’d hardly gotten any of his prep done, when there’d been a knock on his door. Not necessarily an alarming thing in and of itself, but despite a couple of years having passed, he still remained paranoid for fear of being found. And he simply wasn’t expecting anyone, let alone at this time.

 For a moment, he considered ignoring it. Perhaps someone had put in the wrong apartment number for a delivery? But what if that wasn’t the case, and any second someone was about to kick in the door with him woefully underprepared. So he tightened his grip around the knife still in his hand, and slowly, warily, made his way over to the door.

 A quick look through the peephole, however, had his whole body relax and him sigh in relief. No delivery person, and no thugs out to get him. But then alarm bells went off yet again, and he quickly opened the door. “Daenerys? What— Is everything alright?”

 " i didn't know where else to go... "

 There was no hesitation as he stepped aside, both confused and worried. “Come in. What’s wrong?”

[feilien]

@draconisa said: “[ FEVER ]: having noticed the sender beginning to spike a fever, receiver presses a cool cloth to their forehead to try and bring it down. 👀” {♚ x Meme I am too lazy to find right now || Accepting x}

 Matt wasn’t entirely sure when things had changed. The past couple of years had been spent mostly alone since arriving in NYC; partly because he was just too busy with studies to be out and about, and partly because his persisting paranoia made him hesitant to spend any extended periods of time outside of his apartment unless absolutely necessary.

 That paranoia, however, didn’t seem to extend to Daenerys and Rhaego, and he somehow found himself in their apartment more frequently as time passed. Today was no exception. After taking Bao for a walk, they’d gotten settled in Dany’s living room and had put on a movie Rhaego had probably seen about fifty times at this point, but still demanded they watched again anyway. Matt didn’t mind—his eyes had the habit of drifting over to Daenerys anyway.

 Which was how he picked up on her flushed cheeks, dewy-looking face, and consistent nodding off. After reaching out to feel her forehead, it became quite clear why: she was burning up. Still, she insisted she was fine and it took what felt like forever and every bit of persuasion Matt had to get her to agree to at least lay down on the couch. So stubborn.

 Once she was settled in and Rhaego preoccupied with both the movie and Bao, Matt got a couple of things together and sat back down on the couch with a cloth in his hand. Running his fingers through her hair to move it out of her face, he then dabbed the cloth gently along her forehead, before laying it across. “I have no plans for the rest of the night. I can watch Rhaego, so you can get some rest.” Reaching for the cup he’d set down on the table, he held it out for her to take, if she wanted to. “Here. Some Chinese herbal tea. No idea what’s in it, if I’m honest, but my mother used to give it to me whenever I was sick. Works wonders somehow. Probably has some Unicorn hair in it or something.”

[feilien]

{♚ x @r4bidog x}

 As always, Long Zhi ---- Matt --- was being kept in the dark. ‘None of your business’, and ‘none of your concern, you’re here to train, nothing else’ were the only answers he got when asking about Gangjae. It drove him mad, no, it made him mad. Any other time, any other circumstances and he probably would’ve bowed his head in obedience — just as expected of him. Just as he’d been taught for all his life. Even though he was the one supposed to be giving the orders one day, it wasn’t his place to question the ones given to him now. 

 But Gangjae was his friend. His only friend. He couldn’t just sit here and pretend that everything was alright, when it clearly wasn’t. Something had happened, and now he was nowhere to be found.

 Sneaking out was easier said than done. Even though Matt was beyond proficient in stealth, he was being watched like a hawk around the clock. Not only by his own clan members, but he was fairly sure that there were others being paid to report back, too. Should they spot him, it was over. So he waited until deep into the night, then climbed out of the window of his temporary new home, and onto the roof. From there, he made his way across several blocks, before he dared to lower himself down onto the street. But that… That was the easy part.

 The next few nights were spent with a cap and hood pulled deep into his face, while he wasted hours upon hours trying to find clues as to Gangjae’s whereabouts. He was nearly out of patience and out of money when he finally came across something tangible. A doctor who’d supposedly taken care of him a few nights back. At first, it seemed like another bust; the doctor simply wouldn’t budge and give him any information, claiming he hadn’t seen his friend. But there was something off about him, something that made the hair on Matt’s neck stand up. In the end, he lost patience and let one of his trusted knives do the talking. Suddenly the doctor remembered. Yeah, he had seen him, and yes, he’d fixed up a nasty cut on his face, and he even knew where to find him!

 Feeling particularly nice that night, Matt left him was a fairly superficial cut, and instead spent his energy on making his way to said apartment. It was dirty, run-down, and generally sent a shiver down his spine. Not a place he’d willingly go otherwise. But for the sake of his friend, he kept on moving until he found himself in front of the door of the apartment Gangjae supposedly stayed in.

 Matt knocked on the door once, twice, and a third time, but there was no answer. For a moment he wondered if he had the wrong one, but after double and triple checking was confident that he was at the right number. So, after a moment of hesitation, he reached out and tried the doorknob — it opened. He stuck his head in first, glanced around, then stepped in entirely and closed the door behind him. “Gangjae?” The place was virtually empty, save for a single bed. Making his way over to the bed, he regarded the figure curled up on it for a moment, then reached out and gingerly touched its shoulder. “Hey, it’s me. Matt.”

[feilien]

@r4bidog said: "∗ 94﹕ sender pulls receiver into their lap . / uhh sorry 🫣" {♚ x 𝟏𝟎𝟎 𝑵𝑶𝑵𝑽𝑬𝑹𝑩𝑨𝑳 𝑷𝑹𝑶𝑴𝑷𝑻𝑺 . ||  Accepting x}

 Life, recently, hadn’t been easy. There was no security, no comfort, no more goal to strive towards, and no more family. But, at the end of the day, it was Matt’s life. Not his grandfather’s, not his clan's, just his own. It wasn’t ideal, but at least he’d made the choice himself and he got to surround himself with someone he cared for; and who, in turn, cared for him — in his very own way, anyway. It was enough.

 As an added bonus, Matt now got to do a lot of things he couldn’t before. Like party. And drink. And hit on girls. All of which he thoroughly enjoyed, while still being responsible enough to stay away from the harder stuff. One of them had to keep a clearish mind, after all. Just because things looked less grim at the moment, didn’t mean that there was no danger still lurking in the shadows. It was just a matter of time, nothing else.

 Having just grabbed a couple more drinks, Matt made his way back to where they’d been sitting half the night by now. When squeezing his way past his friend, he suddenly felt a pair of hands and, before being able to react, suddenly found himself sitting down. On Gangjae’s lap. His heart stuttered briefly in his chest, and it took his brain a moment to catch up with what was happening. And with the way it made him feel.

 Collecting himself, he let out a drawn-out sigh, then calmly set the drinks down on the table. Another moment passed, then he finally turned around. “Are you really that fucked up already?”

[feilien]

@draconisa said: "∗ 46﹕ sender  pulls  receiver  out  of  harm’s  way . (reverse!)" {♚ x 𝟏𝟎𝟎 𝑵𝑶𝑵𝑽𝑬𝑹𝑩𝑨𝑳 𝑷𝑹𝑶𝑴𝑷𝑻𝑺 . ||  Accepting x}

 Their alliance was still fresh, new, and on shaky ground at best; alas, it was necessary to accomplish their one common goal: to stop his own clan’s shady dealings. The reality of it all had hit him only recently, and it had hit him hard. Hard enough to go not only behind his clan’s back, but behind his own family’s back as well. Something completely unthinkable less than a month ago. If his grandfather ever got caught wind of it, Long Zhi would get disinherited or exiled at best, or lose his own life at worst. A risk he seemed surprisingly willing to take.

 He had been raised to fight, even to kill without hesitation, but the targets had always been enemies, or at the very least people who had wronged them. There had been a reason, an excuse. But this? They were innocent, helpless. And Long Zhi couldn’t just stand idly by and let it happen; not now that he knew.

 And while he was careful only to sneak out when he was absolutely certain beyond doubt that no one would notice his absence, he still remained paranoid to an unreasonable degree. But it was that very paranoia that made him realize that someone was following them. They were subtle and skilled, but when Long Zhi spotted them for the third time in the corner of his eye, his hands disappeared inside of his jacket and wrapped around two of his knives — just in case.

 For a while, nothing happened. But then they turned into a quiet street and the atmosphere changed all of a sudden. One moment they were hiding in a doorway, the next they jumped out with a gun in hand. It was instinct more than anything, but Long Zhi let go of one of the blades in favour of grabbing Daenerys’ sleeve and pulling her towards him. The bullet whizzed by, and just a fraction of a second later, he had pulled out his knife and returned the favour. Except… Long Zhi didn’t miss. The blade was securely lodged in the assailant’s chest. The gun cluttered to the ground and he started to stagger back, clutching the knife.

 “Pull it out and you’re as good as dead,” Long Zhi growled, keeping his eyes on the other just in case they tried something else. “That’s not one of my men. Who is that? And why the fuck are they trying to shoot you in broad daylight?”

[feilien]

@draconisa said: “∗ 27﹕ sender  is  caught  wearing  receiver's  clothes . 🥰🤭” {♚ x Meme I am too lazy to find right now || Accepting x}

 When exactly Matt had passed out, he wasn’t too sure. The last thing he remembered was quizzing Daenerys for her upcoming test, and then… nothing. He’d been tired, sure, but he hadn’t thought he was ‘pass out on your friend’s couch in the middle of doing something’ tired.

 But… Sure enough, here he was. Laying on her couch, covered by a blanket and his glasses resting safely on the table nearby. It took him several seconds after waking up to figure out just where exactly he was, and his first instinct was to jump up and go on the defensive. Once his surroundings started to come a little more into focus, however, he started to slowly relax again. So he sat up, heart still racing regardless, and picked up his glasses from the table to put them on.

 Once he was able to see, Matt got up and looked around for Dany, only to spot her in the kitchen—with his hoodie on. For a second, he was confused. Had something happened that he had simply forgotten? Unlikely. No way he would’ve forgotten, no matter what. But fucking hell was it a nice sight, and there was a multitude of thoughts—and emotions—that flooded his mind in that moment.

 Thoughts and emotions he quickly buried as deep as he possible could.

 Walking up to the kitchen, Matt cleared his throat and crossed his arms in front of his chest as he leaned again the counter. “Good morning,” he muttered, voice still heavy with sleep and he once again cleared his throat. “You could’ve woken me up and kicked my ass out, you know.”

[feilien]

 “Savior?” The suggestion caught him so off-guard, that he couldn’t help but let out a quiet scoff. It sounded absolutely absurd, if Matt was honest. “I wish I could claim to be one, but if it wasn’t for my—” he paused,  for my clan and family, “previous company, it wouldn’t have been necessary to begin with. I just… hope they know I had nothing to do with it. That I would’ve done something earlier if I had been aware. I— I just want to be a decent human being, nothing more.”

 Question was… Was he beyond redemption? Or was there a chance he could make up for whatever horrific crimes he had directly and indirectly been responsible for?

 Welcome aboard, Matt. That meant they weren’t just going to toss him off the ship once they made landfall, right? That meant they’d at least give him a chance to prove himself, to prove that he was worth something. That he could be more than what he had been. A criminal. A weapon. A monster. “I’m a quick study, I promise,” he said quickly, as though it was still necessary to convince Inej that he was worth the trouble of keeping him around. “And what I don’t pick up immediately, I’ll practice until I do. I’m even used to forfeiting sleep, if that’s something you want me to do.”

 The fact that Matt was hardly in any shape to even be thinking about doing manual labor was one he opted to ignore. All his life he’d been taught that being useless was the worst thing you could be, and there was no reason to keep you around if you couldn’t contribute. While Inej and her crew seemed nowhere near as ruthless as his own clan, didn’t mean he wanted to give them a reason to change their mind. After all, he’d just left his entire life behind and that in and of itself was incredibly terrifying; not having to be alone at least made it bearable.

 Nodding his head, Matt followed behind her and signaled for Bao to stay by his side. Now that she’d mentioned it, he noticed just how parched he actually felt. “I’m… Not entirely sure how much use those papers are, if I’m honest. I just grabbed what looked like it could have something to do with… you know… The Grisha, and burned the rest. I didn’t have the time to read through them and make sure. So don’t get your hopes up too much. Although I hope they’ll be of some use, at least.”

A preference leaning strongly towards open air compared to a rather compact living space seemed understandable and Inej spent no further thought to it — not here, now, but perhaps later at night when sweet slumber wouldn't take her into its much yearned embrace, she'd find herself wondering if there'd been a 𝐝𝐞𝐞𝐩𝐞𝐫 meaning hiding beneath the layers that made this person who he was. Whilst the most cramped of spaces weren't exactly on top of her list of pleasant spots to be in either, they caused her no excessive anxiety; after all, she had found herself in those kind of places for more times than two hands' fingers could count. Anything to survive, anything to succeed, no matter the costs.

Instead of a verbal sign of understanding, the captain nodded her head once. What made the innate curiosity tingle underneath her ribs wasn't the quickly passed sense of mystery, but the seconds running wild between her introduction and his. Despite of reminding herself to not over analyze every single detail visible for the eye, she couldn't help but let a potential concept linger in. The shackles that'd held him ashore had been left behind 𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐬 ago, and the call of a new life waited ahead, its hand extended for him to take whenever he'd be ready to close the distance... and finally, perhaps, get to know who he truly was.

A faint smile tugged at the corner of her mouth. ❝ No fancy titles, hm. Awfully modest for a savior to say. ❞ Without his aid, there was a chance those captured Grisha would no longer be among the living.

As he offered her a name to call him by, she let it echo for a moment or two. Formal signs of gratitude were admittedly a rarity among those who'd been a part of the crew for long enough to have learned other members' traits and quirks, but Inej didn't consider Matt's deep bow as a strange thing. Cultural ties between one's mind and body were to be 𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐩𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐞𝐝. ❝ I have seen how you handle your blades. Anyone with the kind of discipline that learning the art of combat requires will easily get the hang of sailing. ❞ Trust me, I know. ❝ Welcome aboard, Matt. ❞

❝ The Grisha you helped freeing are resting below the deck too. I'm sure they'd like to meet you sooner or later ❞, she informed. ❝ We'll bring them back to their homes and if you'll change your mind, you're free to leave with them, of course. But before anything else, I think we should go through the papers you had stuffed in that bag. It appears the corruption has spread much larger than we expected. ❞ Not the most pleasant news to pile upon his shoulders. ❝ And I imagine you must be thirsty at least. Follow me. ❞ Her steps began 𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠 them towards the captain's cabin which she used as an office space of sort — she didn't sleep there.

[feilien]

 Being asked not to leave came as a surprise. And with those words, it became obvious just how much of a toll this ordeal had taken on the other. If only he had started looking for Gangjae sooner— Matt sighed, knowing damn well it wouldn’t have changed a thing. And while he knew that those bandages absolutely needed changing, and that Gangjae absolutely needed to eat something before he lost even the last bit of remaining strength, he simply nodded and slowly sat back down — at least for the time being.

 The suggestion that they needed to get out of there was met with a quiet sound of hesitation. It wasn’t that Matt was particularly keen on staying here —the place was disgusting, a dump, and he’d like nothing more than to leave it behind— but where could they go? They could hardly go to Gangjae’s old place, and Matt himself didn’t even have a penny to his name, let alone a place to stay. Still, he got up and grabbed the gun, before making his way over to the other. He waited until he was done washing his hair and getting dressed, then handed the gun over to Gangjae. “I prefer knives, and I got plenty of those. Besides, you need protection more than I do. You can’t show your face out there, so it should be me saying that.”

 Studying his friend’s face, Matt reached up and pulled the poorly wrapped bandage away from his face. “We really need to get this changed. And maybe get you some antibiotic ointment. Or this’ll look like shit for the rest of your life.” Letting go of the bandage, he instead crossed his arms in front of his chest. “Whatever you have in mind, I’m by your side. So lead the way. The quicker we get to where we’re headed, the better.”

 ❛ don't go anywhere . ❜  that's almost too quick , too desperate if he's brave enough to address it . though , he's been brave for too long now , it feels like matt is a colorful window to peace and safety . some time for him to ponder on his next move without having to worry about the doctor or the strangers that came and left in the room . it's a shame he doesn't remember their faces . one hand rubs his brows slowly as he winces at the words ; ❛ i fucking know that . it's not a fucking five star hotel if you haven't noticed . ❜  actually , do gangjae had to be dead by now . and choi mujin's ‘ arm , leg or face ‘ procedure was nothing but a mask he wore over his true intentions with the betrayers . donghoon was matter of broken pride for him but gangjae was the breathing example of his failed control over the boys — matt too now .

 eventually , he pushes the thin blanket away from his legs and sat up . long legs curled on the edge of the bed , back facing his friends as he grabbed the dirty towel from on top of the nightstand and stood up . a little wobbly , a little uneven with his steps as he gripped the end of his shirt to pull it over his head . he couldn't take a shower but he could wash his hair — it didn't feel nice sleeping on that yellowed pillow . ❛ we have to get out of here . ❜ he mumbles as he heads toward the bathroom with a limp . bending lower , hissing painfully as the stitches pulled on his flesh , but turned on the hot water to wash his hair in the sink with the soap . though he was still talking while he did it ; ❛ grab that gun from under the bed . and keep the door closed . ❜  matt himself wasn't exactly safe , and gangjae already had a place in mind to hide until they could get to his old apartment and grab his stock of the new product he was working on . when he's done , he ruffles his wet locks with the towel until they're damp , before moving back inside the room . ❛ . . . i won't let anyone find you . don't worry . ❜  the man mumbles at last , flashing him a brief grin as he reaches for his shirt .

[feilien]

 Long Zhi would’ve been lying if he pretended he didn’t feel his heart drop at Yuki’s words.

 It shouldn’t matter to him, not really. If Yuki made the decision to leave, then that was his decision. And, in turn, he’d face the consequences for it. Hell, Long Zhi himself had delivered those consequences more than a handful of times. He’d never understood why anyone would want to leave to begin with—life in the clan was by no means horrible, and came with far more privileges than drawbacks—and had never hesitated to follow the order to kill the deserters when he’d been given it.

 But he hadn’t known any of those men. He’d maybe seen them once or twice and that was it. He had no feelings for them one way or the other until they became someone who had betrayed the clan. But Yuki? He… liked Yuki. Was quite fond of him, even. Even if he didn't show it. Even if he was too scared to lower his walls and hid behind the 'unapproachable heir' mask instead. He didn’t want to see him dead, much less be the executioner.

 “I’ll pretend I didn’t hear the first question for both of our sakes.” Leaning back into the couch, Long Zhi crossed his arms in front of his chest and stared down in his lap. “Yes, the clan is for life. However long or short that life may be. Lǎo ye is… ruthless at the best of times, but there’s nothing he despises more than betrayal. No one who’s betrayed him has ever lived to tell the tale. Even if they fled all the way back to China.”

 For a moment, Long Zhi fell silent. Then he glanced over at the other, struggling to keep his face neutral and unreadable. “Give it some time, Yuki. You’ll become one of us eventually, I promise. It’s never easy to break into the circle of trust, even if you are Chinese. You have to earn it, prove that you’re trustworthy. To keep us safe from those trying to bring us down.”

One of our own. It was the first time he'd heard anything resembling comradery or acceptance from a member of the Black Dragons. A corner of Yuki's lips lifted up. It was a shame, then, that he wasn't planning on staying long enough to prove himself. As selfish as it was, as reckless as it was, Yuki planned on developing skills and abandoning the clan. Because after Isen was dead...what was there for him? A family with the Black Dragons, a group of people who couldn't possibly trust him, despite the apparent optimism of their soon-to-be leader?

They would likely come after him. That was fine, as long as he had enough time to do what he had to do...assuming he lived long enough to face the consequences of abandoning the clan. Doubt erased Yuki's smile and he looked down in the bowl, resigning himself to setting it on the coffee table beside Long Zhi's.

Right?

"Thanks," he said sincerely. And for the short time he had left, he knew he would do the same for Long Zhi -- should he need it. All these thoughts he tried to keep to himself, but Yuki couldn't help the way his brow knit together, betraying his worry.

Maybe it was the remaining alcohol in his system, maybe it was this strange trust he had in Long Zhi, but where Yuki normally would've remained silent, he continued speaking. "What would happen if I...didn't want to be part of the clan, anymore?" Yuki looked up, but he thought he knew the answer. "I mean, you say you're a second family...is it for life?"

[feilien]

 Long Zhi's mind was a mess, to say the least. It wasn't just the very vivid memory of being locked in the closet that was messing with him, but the fact he had lost it like this in front of someone. That had never happened before. He'd always managed to keep this sort of thing at bay, had either managed to breathe through it, or get away before anyone knew what was happening. It was humiliating, and, quite frankly, he was terrified of Xiao Dan finding out. 

 "Leave me alone," he hissed, shrugging his shoulder in an attempt to rid himself of Yuki's hand. He didn't need this. He didn't want this. 

   (But that was a lie, wasn't it? The gesture unraveled something inside of him, something he'd attempted to rid himself for years, something he'd been deprived of for years. Something he'd been punished for so many times when he had sought it out, even from his own mother.)

 Slowly, the panic started to settle down. He wasn't entirely sure how, or why; he couldn't focus on his breathing, couldn't focus on calming himself down, and yet, he somehow did. As confusing as it was, though, he wasn't about to complain about it. Instead, he took a few deep breaths and tried to focus. Panic or no, he needed to get out of here. Out of the room, out of the building, away from the walls and confined space. 

 "Of course, I can stand." As if to emphasize his words, Long Zhi got up and, although his legs did feel a little wobbly, he made his way over to the door. "Like I said, you won. Congratulations. You beat me. It doesn't happen often, and it won't happen again."

 With that, he left the room and made his way to the rooftops.

When he was pushed away, Yuki gave Long Zhi space. He could feel panic rolling off him in waves, and guilt weighed heavy in Yuki's chest knowing he'd caused it for his own selfish reasons. Yuki set the knife on the ground and put a hand on Long Zhi's shoulder, just as he spoke. You won. Now get out of here. Yuki ignored him.

"Look at me, okay?” he urged. Meanwhile, Yuki connected to Long Zhi's mind again. Only this time, it was to calm him, slow his heart rate. He had to admit, he hadn't expected this strong of a reaction, especially from someone like Long Zhi, who seemed to weather everything with strength and composure. But at the end of the day, they were all vulnerable to their demons. Whether it be a suffocating, dark closet, or blinding headlights, crunched metal and glass shards.

As he felt the panic ebb away, Yuki removed his hand, but he remained at Long Zhi's side. He didn't ask what happened, what was wrong. Yuki was a miserable liar, and the thought of acting innocent made him sick. Just as carefully as before, Yuki retracted his power when he was sure his boss was free from the clutches of his past. But it begged the question...who had locked a young Long Zhi in that closet? The possible answer surfaced and, with a sinking heart, Yuki couldn't say he was surprised.

"Take a breath, Liu.” His voice wasn't pitying, wasn't condescending or mocking. It was the tone of someone whose past clawed at him as well, someone who knew exactly what that panic felt like, no ability needed. Still, Yuki feared it would be read the wrong way, and he continued in a normal voice. "Can you stand?"

[feilien]

 "Try me, you'll be dead before you know it," Long Zhi growled, sounding much more confident than he currently felt. But he didn't need to be confident—the illusion was enough, and the proof of what could happen lay in a bloody trail behind him. Above all, it was a distraction. Not for himself, but for Yuki. Though in rough shape himself, Long Zhi was certain he'd pull through.

 And he did. Just as expected. Just as hoped. The last body dropped to the floor, and suddenly there was nothing else to focus on. With the rage now nowhere to turn, it disappeared and left Long Zhi with nothing else but the darkness and the feeling of walls moving in.

 ( Pull yourself together. You're stronger than this. You've had years to get over this. Stop being so weak, a disappointment. If lǎo ye could see you right now, he'd disown you. How do you deserve to be the heir if you can't even deal with this? )

 Then Yuki appeared in front of him, and it gave him something to focus on, something to cling to. Problem was—it wasn't enough. It stopped him from spiralling further, but it did very little to ease the panic that had already set in. 

 "It's okay, don't worry about me. You're hurt, I'm not. Go get yourself taken care of, I'll catch up."

They'd been a block away from Dragons territory when Yuki was yanked back into an alley, a calloused hand covering his mouth. He thrashed, fighting to take hold of his ability, and barely caught Long Zhi's aura disappearing with a loud bang. This could not be happening.

Before Yuki could react, go for his weapons or focus enough to repel the men advancing on him, he was thrown down and kicked in the ribs, once, twice, before he was dragged up by his hair and punched back down. He was coughing, pain lancing through him in unbearable waves, and though he felt the urge to separate from his body, stubbornness kept him in the moment.

Through the legs of his attackers he saw three men keeping the lid of the dumpster closed. Another even split, he thought grimly. Though he tried and tried, he could not feel Long Zhi's aura through the metal walls, and that filled Yuki with terror.

Once again he was dragged up, only this time one man held Yuki upright as another punched him in the stomach. Their strategy was clear; if they kept up this relentless pace, Yuki wouldn't be able to focus, and would soon be too weak to fight back. This wasn't supposed to happen. They were supposed to be safe. What the fuck else was his training for?

A commotion was going on by the dumpster. Two of the men crowding Yuki rushed over, the third slamming his face into the wall, twisting his arm behind his back. This can't be happening --

His assailant turned at the sickening sound of someone choking on their own blood, forcing Yuki's back to his chest with a knife to his throat. Yuki struggled despite his body's protests, which earned him a warning cut on his jugular.

Another body dropped and Long Zhi was revealed, but Yuki's heart thumped hard as fear flashed through him. Long Zhi was trembling, rage threaded through his entire body, alight in his eyes. He looked terrifying -- but with his aura came the panic, and Yuki knew something was very, very wrong.

The man holding him seemed to agree, even taking a step back with Yuki still his grasp. But Long Zhi's fear was taking over, the waters steadily rising. He's bluffing.

"Stay back," said the man, unable to hide the tremor in his voice. "I'll kill him, I swear -- "

At last, Yuki took hold of this disgusting aura, and stunned the man into letting his guard down. In one fluid motion, Yuki swiped the knife and turned, slashing the other's throat.

Once the body dropped, Yuki resisted the urge to double over, coughing as he clutched his ribs. His mouth had been steadily filling with blood, and though he spit it onto the cement, some trailed from the corner of his lips.

None of that mattered. He had to pull himself together, because Long Zhi was not okay. Yuki turned to him only to notice that the rage had completely disappeared and only terror remained.

"Hey," he said, reaching for Long Zhi before he thought better of it. The imprint of an enclosed space, a dark closet reached him, and with horror, Yuki realized exactly what was happening. He moved into Long Zhi's line of vision, blocking everything else as best he could.

"Focus on me, alright?" he said, paying no mind to the bodies at their feet. All those long training sessions and Yuki still couldn't do what Xiao Dan asked, couldn't seem to cause emotions in others. Long Zhi's panic hit him in waves, causing his own breath to shorten. If he could just do this --

"Let's get out of here. Focus on me."

[feilien]

 Matt knew that he was taking a risk by letting someone in his life—even if only to walk his dog. For the past couple of years he’d kept a distance from everyone, even fellow students who’d tried fairly hard to get him to hang out with them from time to time. He always had an excuse, something to do, somewhere to be. But perhaps the loneliness was starting to get to him. Perhaps he was having a moment of weakness and was going to regret his decision tomorrow. For now, however, he pushed those thoughts to the back of his mind.

 “I suppose that’s the nature of big cities, isn’t it? Perfect if you want to remain anonymous, but difficult to build real connections,” Matt sighed, as though that wasn’t the exact reason why he’d chosen the biggest city he could think of. “But— I suppose it beats growing up in a place where you know everyone and you still don’t feel at home.” Ah, too much. Clearing his throat, he scratched the back of his head and put on a smile. “Anyway… If anyone can make you feel at home, I’m fairly certain it’s a big, white, fluffy dog that’s absolutely thrilled every time he gets to see you. So consider that problem solved.”

She takes the phone, and their fingers brush, and for a moment Daenerys finds herself simply staring down at it. It's been a long time since she's made any connection, outside of work, or Rhaego's childcare; it's been years since she's made a friend, someone who she can see having meaning in her life, down the road. The moment breaks, and she shakes it off, fishing her own out of her purse and adding in his number. Maybe it isn't the same for him, but to her, it feels significant.

❛ Thank you, ❜ she says, gesturing to the phone in her hand. ❛ That would be great. ❜ Eyes drift up, automatically settling on Rhaego again. He's saying something she can't hear to Bao, giving his head a pat. Dany smiles. ❛ It'll be nice to know someone else in the building. It's... weird, that even after a couple years, it still doesn't feel like home. ❜

[feilien]

 Whenever he felt Yuki’s head on his shoulder, it was as though something snapped inside of him. Sitting here, in the silence and darkness, with nothing to distract them, Long Zhi realized that he couldn’t remember the last time he’d experienced something like this. Human warmth, comfort, gentle touch. It was always pain.. or nothing at all. Intentional deprivation for the sake of toughening him up. Xiao Dan never failed to remind him that it was a necessity. That it was his own fault that he needed such a harsh treatment to begin with.

 The only time he’d been allowed to touch someone he— No. Stop.

 He didn’t want to remember. Didn’t want to be reminded of the things he’d done. So he let out a shaky breath instead; reached up and ran his fingers through Yuki’s hair, before kissing the top of his head. Instinctively, without thinking about it, and without realizing it. “It might be years,” he warned quietly. “He’s a tough bastard, and he won’t relinquish his power until the second he dies. He also doesn’t trust me yet. He’s not done training me, shaping me into what I’m supposed to be. I’m still too much… me. Weak and soft-hearted. I’ll have to prove that I’m worthy first, before he’ll listen to me.”

 “But I promise I’ll try my best. While you become his weapon, I’ll become who he wants me to be. Then he'll start listening to me, I'm sure of it. And I can ensure he'll treat you the way you deserve.”

Yuki only released his breath when Long Zhi gave his support. He couldn't do this alone, not again. He couldn't go through Hell with nothing to live for, used and killed slowly until he was unrecognizable. Long Zhi would see to it that he was treated well -- Yuki had no idea how that would happen, but the promise left a warm feeling in his chest…at war with a fear he couldn’t ignore. What would Long Zhi do to keep his promise?

Those concerns shifted to the back of his mind when he saw that smile. Yuki couldn't help but return it. This fondness and warmth only reached Yuki when they were away from prying eyes, and he savored it each time. He knew Long Zhi was meant to take over the clan, expected to be cold, ruthless, and rule with an iron fist — like his grandfather. But this was who he really was, and Yuki was starting to believe the end was near. For both of them.

Yuki shifted closer and laid his head on the other's shoulder. His knees were still drawn up to his chest, though the tremors in his body had disappeared. Now he was tired, reluctant to leave this dank warehouse littered with the bodies of Isen's subjects. Not yet.

He wasn't sure how long Long Zhi would allow this and an undercurrent of anxiety gripped him. Even so, he was solid and familiar. The scent of his cologne comforted Yuki, even tinged with blood. That was their life, their cold reality -- but he valued these moments anyway.

"I know they will," he said, but his voice had grown quiet. When it came time for Long Zhi's reign, would he be the same person? Would Yuki see his smile again?

[feilien]

 He didn’t want Yuki to die either. But he also didn’t want him to live as what was essentially a slave.

 But… As he’d said, it wasn’t his decision to make. And perhaps being someone’s weapon beat a life on the run, always looking over your shoulder in fear of being found. It was by no means ideal, but in their line of work—in their kind of life—there was no such thing as ideal. Only the lesser evil.

 “Alright,” he finally said, nodding his head. “If that’s your decision, you have my support. And I’ll do what I can to ensure you’re being treated well.” A hollow promise, perhaps. How much pull did he truly have at the moment? His grandfather hardly listened to him in trivial matters, so why would he when it came to something so important as a powerful weapon? But that didn’t mean he wouldn’t try. Long Zhi could make sound arguments with reasonable logic to back them up. And if he bothered Xiao Dan enough, perhaps he could sway him in a different direction. Even if he would risk annoyance and inevitable scorn. Maybe even punishment. That was a sacrifice he was willing to make.

 “But,” Long Zhi sighed, glancing over at Yuki, before putting on a smile and wrapping his arm around the other’s shoulders, “at least there’s an end at the light at the tunnel, I suppose. Things will be different once I take over. For you, for me. For us. That I can promise.”

Now Yuki fell into a long silence. A weapon. Long Zhi voiced it and now it was a reality, one Yuki had been avoiding since he joined. Xiao Dan had a slimy, ruthless aura, stained with blood, and Yuki was sure any sort of training he underwent would be...unimaginable.

When Long Zhi had made him egg drop soup in his apartment, Yuki had been certain that death was the preferable option. He'd disregarded his life in exchange for his goal. But that was before. When he carried the weight of what Raito had done. When he was betrayed, hurt, and truly alone. Now, things were different. There was someone who cared, who looked out for him, who he'd come to care for as well. Long Zhi never wanted anything from him, never used him.

Couldn't he endure it? Yuki had endured so much already, kept his kindness in spite of it all. But that was the question. How much could a person endure until they broke? A weapon wasn't whole. A weapon was forged in pain.

A small fire sparked in his chest —Long Zhi knew that pain. Yuki couldn't leave him at the mercy of a man like Xiao Dan. He wouldn't.

"I don't want to die, Long Zhi," Yuki said quietly. He knew it for certain. He looked up at the other, his friend, unsure of what expression he wore. "I can take it, whatever he does."